This quote hit me upside the head right when I needed it. I've come to realize that part of my journey is to help those who have experienced the same kind of trauma as I have. I believe we are at a point in time where the whole world needs healing. And we need more healers; more people who are willing to step out of their shadows and darkness, so they can shed the light on the darkness to heal it. A famous AA quote, "You are only as sick as your secrets." I feel this with every fiber of my being. Let the light in to heal the dark.
I didn't know where this wellness journey was going to take me when I started this process six and a half years ago after my miscarriage. My steps were tiny and all for me. I've processed my pain, been to therapy, quit drinking, became a yoga teacher, and changed to a vegan diet and lifestyle. Now that I have healed some of my trauma, it's now my turn to help others around me to heal. Most of us, have had some trauma in our lives. Sexual abuse, neglect, toxic romantic relationships, homelessness, deaths, post-traumatic stress, horrific accidents, and these are just a few examples of trauma. I began to connect the dots back in March when I attended the National Alliance on Mental Illness conference in Concord, NH. I signed up for a workshop about Adverse Childhood Experiences. Knowing I had a few of those experiences, I wanted to learn more about the effects of ACEs and how that would affect me later in life. If you are curious about your own adverse childhood experiences, click this link and take the quiz. You may be surprised.
I've become very aware of trauma and how we hold those memories in our tissues (again, hello issues in our tissues, enter Yoga.) Sometimes we aren't even aware we are holding these past traumatic experiences in our bodies until we are triggered by a scent, a place, a sound, or uncovered memory. The mind, body, and spirit are not separate, they are indeed one and interconnected. Recently, I've been to yoga trainings about Trauma Informed/Sensitive Yoga and mental health trainings on ACEs and the resources available to children and mothers who have been impacted by ACEs. The sad truth for many of those who have experienced trauma is they go on to repeat this process with their own children, unless they receive some support to help them not repeat this cycle of trauma.
When I was six years old the sexual abuse that I suffered from ages four to five, came to light one day when I told my friends after school on the yard. An older kid told the after school coordinator, who told the principal who contacted LAPD. On a cold, rainy, Friday October night, the police showed up at my Dad's house. I was terrified. I thought I was in trouble. I was too frightened to speak to the police officer in front of me. So, my Dad and his girlfriend brought me to the Northeast LAPD station to speak with a friendlier female officer out of uniform. I forgave my molester when I was still quite young. I understood he was sick and needed help. I let compassion lead the way, instead of anger and shame. I had a wonderful support system that included a child therapist. My perpetuator never went to jail, as far as I know. My mom was more concerned with making sure I was ok and getting me to counseling.
I've come to realize many of my choices as a young teenager and young adult stemmed from this trauma. Trauma I thought I had healed. I am more aware of why I made some of those choices and I want to help other young girls from making some of those choices because of the trauma. I am prepared to share my story and help young girls who have suffered that same trauma I have through yoga. My desire is to help those young ladies take back their power, take back their bodies, and feel whole even with having experienced such a trauma. Stay tuned for the journey because it's just the beginning.