This is the fourth part to a series of blogs that I will be posting. These are very, very personal stories. The events I share were impactful and part of my journey which formed the path to where I am today. I have kept names out to protect those involved. These are my stories from my recollection. Drug use, binge drinking, and physical abuse will be described throughout the series.
My first year of teaching was in the books, I was single, and ready to be me again. Things looked super promising after I left G. I had my sweet little studio apartment on Brand that was my safe haven and I was happy. I was exploring my old childhood neighborhoods that had become super fun and hip with cool bars and restaurants. I was beginning to feel comfortable going out alone again and meeting new people. I had also started to practice yoga asana. Dating was definitely apart of the picture. I reconnected with my old friends and life was returning to what it looked like pre-G days.
Myspace was new and pretty much the only form of social media at the time, which I used to meet like-minded people. Unfortunately, G and I stayed connected on that platform. He could see when other guys liked my pictures or posts. There was some communication with him off and on, but I was trying to distance myself. My old habits would come back and I would get jealous and Myspace stalk him. There were still very unhealthy behaviors that I engaged in, but it was almost like he was doing things on purpose for me to become jealous. Or so I thought. I literally had no self-control; I hadn't gotten that deep into my yoga practice yet to master discipline.
I took a trip up north to San Jose to see a high school girlfriend and upon my return, G picked me up from the airport. Again, we started to spend time together. This sick toxic cycle never seemed to end. We would go down to the San Diego area and spend time at his Mom's place and get in bad arguments. One drunken night, we got into a physical fight and his Mom literally had to pull me off of him. Another low point. His Mom was very vocal about us and that we should not be together. Everyone around us saw it, yet we stayed connected. G eventually moved out of the apartment we had shared and into another place not that far. I would visit occasionally and hang out with him and our dog.
Summer continued where I dated here and there, yet would still return to the same toxic relationship. Whenever he or I weren't actively dating other people, we would hang out. Somehow we were not ready to severe the cord. Summer came to and end and we both went back to work. I was still in my credential program and working full-time; my schedule was pretty full, but I still had time to date.
Halloween had arrived and I spent that evening with my former roomie going to parties and enjoying life. What a difference from Halloween two years prior. I was going out with my girlfriends again; going dancing, having drinks, and meeting new guys. Life felt good. At this time, I started to drink a little bit more than I had before. I would pour myself a glass of wine and before I knew it, I finished the whole bottle. This became a pattern. I would also find myself at my local watering hole with my newly acquired friends Friday and Saturday nights, along with the occasional weeknight. Everyone was super nice and friendly at my bar; it was like Cheers, where everybody knows your name.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .